


i paint the ceiling so that nobody knows.

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Army, Little bit of Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2018-01-02 23:29:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1062950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Two years.” Harry says and he feels like throwing up and he has never hated a time period so much in his life. He shudders and backs up and Niall steps inside and he closes the door and they’re just staring at each other and they are breathing in sync because that’s them, they’ve learned to synchronies their heartbeats. </p>
<p>~~</p>
<p>The one where Niall gets a phone call and Harry is heartbroken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i paint the ceiling so that nobody knows.

Harry hears him on the phone first thing in the morning after being home for only a week, Harry is cold even with the sheets around his body fitting him like a cocoon because he always did get cold easily and Niall is like a furnace and he can’t sleep without him. Harry rolls around until he’s lying on his back and staring at the ceiling and trying to focus on what Niall’s muffled voice is saying but he can’t really make out anything because Niall is all the way in the kitchen and the water is running and Harry just knows. His fingers grip the bed sheets and he resists the urge to scream he just closes his eyes.

It’s six in the morning and it cannot be happening.

Ten minutes later Niall walks into the room and Harry’s eyes are still closed and Niall knows he isn’t asleep because he’s too tense and Harry’s features make it obvious that he’s upset but he has a right doesn’t he to be upset?

“Hey hey, babe open your eyes.” Niall says but Harry does not because if he does and he looks at Niall all wide cobalt blue eyes and messy sleep ridden blonde hair he’ll lose it because he is weak and he can’t just… he can’t just pretend to be okay can he? He can’t just lie and he can’t just tell Niall he’ll be fine when they both know he won’t. “Love, please open your eyes.”

“Tell me it’s good news.” Harry says breathlessly even if it’s an effort to get the words all out of him even though it feels like someone just stuck all their burdens inside of him and then sat down on it and refused to let it come out, Harry feels like throwing up. Niall doesn’t say anything for a long time and he hears the grandfather clock ticking softly and the faulty pipes moving around in the walls.

“Please, open your eyes.”

“I can’t.”

“Harry-,”

“How long?” Harry interrupts and Niall doesn’t say anything again for a long time and Harry lets out a shaky sob and he finally opens his eyes and Niall’s just looking down at him and Harry shakes his head and he turns his head and buries his face into Niall’s thigh and he sobs and Niall’s hand runs down his back and he says.

“Two years.”

And Harry loses it.

They met two years ago when Harry had helped Niall take care of his drunken best friend Zayn at a night club and Niall had given him his number and said call me and Harry didn’t for a month. He went on with his life and he called his sister and he talked to his best friends Louis and Liam and he had breakfast dates with Lou and her daughter Lux and he worked.

But then one day he was doing laundry and in the pocket of one of his jeans was the name: _Niall_ and a phone number and Harry ended up calling Niall and well… it kind of just became a thing from there. And then Harry’s usual routine of seeing his sister, talking to Louis and Liam and having breakfast dates with Lou and her daughter Lux had Niall inserted somewhere in it and he didn’t mind at all.

And then they were dating and Harry was in absolute love and then… and then there was the army and Harry remembers whispered promises in the dark and it was fine for the first year. Niall went and they Skyped and they did see each other because he wasn’t in Iraq then and they made things work and Harry thought that was it.

Boy was he wrong.

Harry eventually gets up and he takes a shower and they aren’t in a fight because they don’t get in fights they aren’t that type of couple but Harry doesn’t want to look at Niall at the moment and he knows he’s being mean and selfish but he’s scared okay and he feels like sticking his head into a tub full of water and never resurfacing for breath.

Because every moment Niall is in the army is every moment he can die and Harry isn’t ready for that, he isn’t ready for that letter fuck no. And maybe when he decided him and Niall were gonna be a thing he did sign up for this, sign up for being there for him even when things like this happened but he didn’t know it was gonna be that hard!

“Harry, open the door.” Niall says and Harry looks at himself in the mirror all watery eyes and red nose and he looks an absolute mess and Niall says it again all soft and coaxing, “Harry, open the door” so Harry opens the door and Niall says, “What does this change?”

“Two years.” Harry says and he feels like throwing up and he has never hated a time period so much in his life. He shudders and backs up and Niall steps inside and he closes the door and they’re just staring at each other and they are breathing in sync because that’s them, they’ve learned to synchronies their heartbeats.

“You did a year.” Niall says.

“But I used to be able to see you. You weren’t overseas.”

“Babe.”

“Why can’t you fucking quit?” Harry’s selfish and he’s mean they’ve established that.

“It’s my job.”

“No it’s not! You weren’t born to die for others!” He’s selfish and he’s mean and he’s in love goddamnit.

“You don’t mean that.”

“I hate you.”

“Yeah?” Niall asks with a raised eyebrow.

“No.” Harry says and he smashes their lips together and everything from hairspray bottles to hair brushes to toothbrushes goes flying as he is hoisted onto the bathroom counter and everything is heat and anger and apologies and iloveyous mixed into one that they don’t even know where one begins and the other ends all they know is they need this. Each other.

Niall is asleep and Harry is broken so he drifts out to the balcony with one of Niall’s smokes in between his fingers and his phone in the other and he calls his sister. She picks up on the third ring and she says.

“Hey, duck.” Because they used to be kids and she never got over it.

“Two years, Gems.” Is all Harry says and she says,

“What is it, love?”

“Niall.” He says because if he says more, if he tells her all the mean things he said and all the meaner ones he thought he’ll be the bad guy right? Because he’s supposed to let the one he loves go die right? Well maybe he’s doing the whole love thing wrong then, fucking sue him.

“Oh, duck. What’re you gonna do?” Gemma asks and Harry knows she’s doing the lip thing they do, her thumb and pointer finger massaging her bottom lip because she’s deep in thought. If he didn’t have a cigarette in his hand he would probably be doing it too.

“I don’t know, Gems. I love him too much.”

“Yeah I know.” She says because she does. She’s seen them on Christmas, the only Christmas they’ve been able to spend with each other since they got together and she’s seen them everywhere else and she gets it.

“What do I do? I mean I gotta let him go, I can’t keep fucking crying and yelling at him.” But he wants too… if that’s what gets Niall to stay with him he’ll do it all.

“Duck, you need to do what you think is right.”

“I can’t let him go.” Hands are suddenly circling around his waist and Harry jumps a little but Niall just kisses him on the shoulder to soothe him and Harry sighs softly.

“You’re strong, duck.” Gemma chatters oblivious to the war happening inside of Harry’s mind.

“Thanks, Gems. I love you.” He says before he hangs up. It’s silent and neither him nor Niall say anything for some time, Harry flicks the cigarette off the balcony and turns so they’re facing each other. Niall says,

“It’s not forever. I’m gonna come back.”

“Okay.” Harry says and Niall still looks conflicted, still has those furrowed eyebrows and the one vein on his temple so Harry swallows and he thinks back to when they met and how beautiful Niall looked against the dingy bathroom and he thinks back to when they first kissed and Niall’s hands cupping his cheeks and his breath tasted smelled like ice cream and Harry had shook through it and he remembers so much and he knows it’s gonna hurt and he knows that he should tell Niall to stay… fuck he wants him to stay but… but this guilt that he’s gonna let Niall carry around what’s the point?

“I love you,” Harry begins and he lets out a sigh as he continues, “and I know that you’re gonna go and I know I’ve been difficult but I just want you know that I still wanna make this work, two years or not. I’m not giving you- us- up that easily, not even if it kills me.”

“Do you know how strong you are?” Niall asks him and Harry shakes his head.

“I’m not.”

“I don’t know who made you think like that.” Niall says kissing him softly and Harry melts against him and lets all the breath rush out of him in one sitting. He feels free, he feels good… he feels loved whether it be two years or a week he knows that it’s gonna work. 


End file.
